Are you rubbish at networking?

I used to be and if I'm honest when I compare myself to some of my peers (yes Catherine that's you - the uber networker!!!) I could still improve. A while ago, a Ladies Business Luncheon Club asked me to do my top ten networking tips so here they are.

Get out there and do the do!

Tip number one – remember why we do networking. We do it because it is, potentially, the best and least expensive way of developing new business. But remember, the word is networking, not net lunching or net drinking or net gossiping, it’s a business activity and as the networking guru Nigel Risner says if you are on the pitch then you need to play the game. Why go if you don’t want to network? The hospitality may be excellent, but it’s not a strong enough reason on its own, in the light of our busy schedules!!

Networking is so effective because people buy people first and personal recommendation is the strongest introduction and commendation we are ever going to receive. The endorsement of a third party individual that knows what we do and how well we do it is more effective than a thousand business-to-business mailshots.

The big difference is realising that networking is not about who you know; it’s about who they know and how and why they know them. Networking is farming not hunting, we are not trying to trap just one big customer here, we are planting a meadow that the first customer eats in and then goes back to tell the whole herd where to come and graze!

We all need contacts; none of us, no matter how dedicated we are, can make it in business in complete isolation. If you locked four strangers, a solicitor, a bank manager, an accountant and an Independent Financial Adviser in a room for an hour, they would come out doing business – but so would a plumber, a builder, a carpenter and an electrician. Do you build mini networks and have you thought about who can be in a small synergous group like this with your business? Are you getting to as many events as you possibly can and putting yourself into environments where your prospective clients will be? Our next big customer may be sat right next to us now!


Tip number two – be prepared! Do we organise networking events and then not tell anyone who’s coming or even give them a name badge when they arrive! Imagine how much more productive it might be if we knew that a certain person was going to be there and that we had the opportunity to contact them before hand and ask if we can make sure that we have 5 minutes during the event for a discussion or to make an introduction to a colleague who may be with us. How much more effective and impactive could our time be during this business event, if we have the opportunity to prepare well beforehand and don’t have to spend precious time trawling the crowd to find useful new contacts?

More on business cards later, but how many of us could hand out ten of your business cards to someone take away? And how many of us carry a pen and maybe a small notepad to jot down the names of the nine other people that will receive our cards? PREPARATION!

Tip number three – look and feel the part. Consider something that’s embedded in us from our childhood when we are told DON’T TALK TO STRANGERS! Well at networking its okay to talk to strangers, in fact it’s essential! Without being too glib, the police are never called to a threatening networking meeting and nobody ever got abducted from a Business Link lunch! But despite that we don’t like talking to strangers do we?

What usually happens at networking meetings, (and blokes are the worst at this), people slide into the room, notice the wall is about to fall down and decide they ought to prop it up to save everyone else from getting hurt! Then they put the antennae out and scan the room for some one they know who they can go and stand with and feel comfortable!!

Read Susan Jeffers, Feel the Fear and do it Anyway – it covers this topic in detail? Ivan Misner says that pride; shyness and fear are the three major obstacles to successful networking, which cannot be solved in 20 minutes, but there are some quick fixes.

Walk tall even if that’s metaphorically not literally, maintain lots of good eye contact, be interested (it makes you interesting!) and SMILE, there will be so many terrified people in that room, that you will stand out like a beacon and attract all around you. Most people at networking events are too scared to circulate and meet up, show enthusiasm and passion you will be a magnet – even if you don’t feel like it! The motivational speaker Anthony Robbins has an expression, (which I assure, is on this theme); it goes FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT. I assure you he’s talking about self-confidence.


Tip number four – working the room. The golden rule is don’t ever leave anywhere without speaking to the person you really wanted to, whether it was a person you had identified before you got there or someone you saw when you arrived. Target a number of people to see during the event – why not try and meet two people you didn’t know before at every event you go to.

Be persistent, the only thing failure cannot live with is persistence! This is business, so remember all the reasons why we are doing this in the first place. Assume no one will seek you out and don’t talk to people you already know – if you need to have a specific conversation with them agree a time for a telephone call later or tomorrow – but both stick to that arrangement. On average, 5 to 7 minutes is about right per conversation. Minimise small talk, one good contact is worth more than a dozen chatterers.


Tip number five – ways to break into groups or break the ice with individuals. Do be aware of body language first, a close, huddled group of individuals may be discussing things in confidence and not welcome an intrusion at that point. A more relaxed group posture will tell you its okay to approach.

So groups first – “DO YOU MIND IF I JOIN YOU FOR A FEW MINUTES”. It really is as easy as that. Believe it or not the whole event has not been pre-arranged so that hand picked groups of people stand casually around waiting for you to come up so they can crush you!!! DO YOU MIND IF I JOIN YOU FOR A FEW MINUTES. Half or more of that group would never have had the confidence to do that and will immediately feel admiration for you and interest in you through that one simple exercise.

With individuals the options are more varied but equally simple to use. DO YOU KNOW A LOT OF OTHER PEOPLE HERE? If they say yes – what do you say (WILL YOU INTRODUCE ME TO SOME OF THEM PLEASE)? If they say no, you say ‘neither do I shall we get to know each other and then see who we can meet together?’ Other variations on the theme could be – WHAT ARE YOU HOPING TO GET OUT OF TODAY? WHAT KIND OF BUSINESS CONTACTS ARE YOU LOOKING FOR TODAY? SO WHAT DO YOU DO THEN?


Tip number six – horror of horrors, someone says to us – SO WHAT DO YOU DO THEN? And do you know what, we tell them what we do and they switch off in seconds! This is a topic on its own, but here are some bullet point thoughts on your elevator speech – so called because you could deliver it in the time it takes a lift to go from one floor to the next – about 10 seconds.

There is a school of thought that says we have subliminally positioned certain professions in a negative light and switch off immediately we hear the words accountant, management consultant, estate agent, independent financial adviser etc. Proponents of this school of thought recommend that you don’t say ‘I’m an estate agent’ when asked what you do because of the supposed negative connotations.

They suggest a flowery alternative like – ‘I enable people to live in the houses of their dreams from bungalows to mansions’. The cynical amongst us may respond OH YOU’RE AN ESTATE AGENT THEN, and immediately think they were weak for not acknowledging their chosen profession. Far better to say ‘I’m an estate agent, I co-ordinate buyers, solicitors, building societies and surveyors for up to 20 clients at a time.’

It’s far more impactive because it’s telling people WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR THEM – AND THAT’S ALL WE ARE INTERESTED IN – WHAT CAN YOU DO FOR ME OR SOMEONE I KNOW. So position what you choose to say in relation to the benefits to your Clients not the tasks and functions you perform. Use your own words, be comfortable with them, and make sure they sound like you not like something from a book. Remember – WHAT I DO, BUT HOW IT BENEFITS YOU! The confidence it will give you walking into a room knowing you have something important and valuable to say is immeasurable.


Tip number seven – so how do you get away from someone at the end of your 5 or 7 minutes? We need something better than ‘I’ve just got to go to the toilet’! There are times when it seems only the incontinent go to networking events!

The professional way to exit that conversation is to say I’VE REALLY ENJOYED MEETING YOU BUT I NEED TO MOVE ON TO MEET SOME OTHER SPECIFIC DELEGATES. Then follow up with CAN I INTRODUCE YOU TO A.N. OTHER / SHALL WE JOIN THAT GROUP AND INTRODUCE OURSELVES / CAN YOU INTRODUCE ME TO.

Playing the role of the host is a very appropriate way to exit these mini meetings without leaving the other person high and dry and that is essential for their self-esteem and most importantly to leave them feeling good about THEMSELVES having just met you.

Tip number eight – Business Cards. We have already highlighted the basic importance of being well stocked with your own cards at networking events, and there are one or two specifics to look at as well. When you exchange them it is useful just to jot date and location on them either at the time or afterwards- it may be the difference in someone remembering you or not in six months if you can say we met on November 19th at the XYZ meeting in London.

This is also a basic, but never underestimate how important our names are to us especially when other people get them wrong – so take care when receiving a business card to read the name carefully and commit it accurately to memory.

Do we have something printed on both sides of our business cards? A business card is your most frequently used piece of marketing communications material, so make it work. Remember that elevator speech – there is a derivation of it that we can all put on our cards – Jane Smith Estate Agent – COORDINATING BUYERS, SOLICITORS, SURVEYORS AND LENDERS FOR YOUR PEACE OF MIND. If you are a consultant with multiple strings to your bow, then highlight Business Strategy, Marketing and Finance on the back of your card for clarity.

Tips number nine and ten are the most important of all and left until the end to highlight them albeit slightly out of sequence.

Tip number nine concerns our expectations and tactics at any networking event and indeed like so much of this it covers many other life events & experiences as well. We have to go to networking events in the mindset of a giver not a receiver. The words HOW CAN I HELP should be amongst the most frequent that you use at these events. Ask people the question WHAT’S TOP OF YOUR LIST OF BUSINESS NEEDS AT THE MOMENT? It may just be that you or someone you know has the ideal solution or can move the situation on for your new contact – HOW POWERFUL IS THAT.

Remember what the sales guru Robin Fielder calls the UNFAILING BOOMERANG OF LIFE – whatever we throw out comes hurtling back towards us ten fold – so make it good. Think about giving for a moment and think about that HOW CAN I HELP scenario. What’s the worst that can happen? Someone says no thank you and you move on – being remembered for having offered!! Someone says YES your business could really help us. Or you say I know just the person you should talk to, to solve this issue. Or you say I don’t know but I’ll ask around my contacts and come back to you – because NETWORKING IS NOT ABOUT YOU AND THEM, ITS ABOUT WHO YOU EACH KNOW AND ONE OF YOUR CONTACTS, UNBEKNOWN TO YOU, MAY HAVE THE IDEAL SOLUTION AND THEN THREE PEOPLE HAVE BENEFITTED FROM YOU ASKING ‘HOW CAN I HELP’.

If you come to networking events with a ‘what’s in it for me’ attitude the answer will be nothing. If you shift the paradigm and think what’s in it for everyone I meet, then you will be a successful and as a result a profitable Networker.

Tip number 10, - is more important than all these things that have gone before. It’s the follow up or as the Americans say, YOU TALKED THE TALK, CAN YOU WALK THE WALK. If you don’t undertake all the follow up actions you agreed within three days of the meeting then you may as well not have bothered! When you leave the meeting make yourself some follow up notes, perhaps when you are notating your new business cards with dates and locations and then do whatever you said.